Icy Stares

“I will say of my lord ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my god, in whom I trust.’”

~Psalm 91:2

          The icy water in this picture reminds me of the thin ice I was on in college. I remember the pain I used to feel when I hid from the ice cold stares from my professors. I don't think they really believed I was ill. I think they figured that I was faking it so I didn't have to go to class.

       This was not true. I really was sick. But because of my illness and my anxiety...I was too weak to do the work. The pain was great, and I felt so alone.

      I was always the subject of discussion with my "friends". All they talked about were my failures, and my strange illness. They looked at me like there was something really wrong with me. It really freaked me out. I didn't like it. I wanted them to stop trying to fix me, because they couldn't.

     My "best friend" went around saying I was "always upset" and "crazy" and "mean". She acted like she wanted the best for me, but she never really did. She had problems of her own, and it got to the point where I was almost getting in trouble with the law because of her.

     She never did understand me. And I'm not trying to single anyone out...I just wanted to say the truth. The girl had problems and was in denial that anything was wrong. She always thought I was crazy. But I feel like she really projected her craziness onto me. And this is my opinion and mine alone. And I don't think it would help if other people put in their opinion, because what's in the past, is in the past...

      I don't talk to that girl anymore. And I'm glad I don't.

     She never helped me get better, she just worsened my anxiety and made me sicker....

      I don't blame myself, and I don't blame her, but God, I am so glad I am out of that painful and toxic relationship.