Burning Ice

Friends are the most important ingredient in this recipe of life."

- (sent by Dior Yamasaki)

“Feeling the anger inside me.”

Lupus makes me angry.

I see it and I want to cry.

The doctors are disbelieving

The inflammation rips me apart

“I’m chosen to lose in this game.”

Test after test are negative

Blood doesn’t show the monster

The doctor looks at me like I’m nuts

But I will always know the truth

“To get me will not be so easy.”

Seriously Lupus

You cannot beat me

Negative blood tests will not deter me

I will f***ing kill you

“To kill me not even the game.”

I’m not going to die from Lupus

I probably won’t die for a long time

You will not kill me

I will not kill myself

“I’ll send the fight-my pride is victory.”

I don’t know if I will win

I get scared about it

But a lot of life

Is not knowing

“There is blood there is pain.”

But that’s just life

And a lot of life is just

Dealing with the pain

And man, I deal with pain

“But my agony is not in vain.”

No, it’s not because people will see what I wrote

And then realize that it’s not okay to give up

And that maybe one day things will be okay

We can’t give up

“Cause there’s life after death.”

Yes there is

And I’m coming back

I don’t care how

I’m going to get you Lupus

“And I’m sure coming back to attack”

Yes I am

You won’t see it

Until you are unaware

“As an angel in black.”

Yup I’m gonna be an angel in black

You won’t see me when I attack

I’m coming to make you pay

Because that’s what I have to do

“Hiding myself in the city”

All I can do is hide

Like a scared little girl

With no place to go

Nowhere to hide

“So dark cause it’s ruled by the ghosts.”

The ghosts of my past

Are coming back to haunt me

But I won’t let them win

I won’t let them beat me

“Footsteps of iron behind me.”

I’m falling

I’m fading fast

There’s no one left to catch me

I’m going to die, I fear.

“The sword of the king-I fear most.”

Please don’t tell me I don’t have Lupus

I deserve to have the name of the beast

That is hurting me

And causing me suffering

“Back in the light-I face my destiny.”

Right now I am in turmoil

Not officially diagnosed

Not officially well

I’m in a horrible stalemate.

       

Deafening Mania (7)

I might give my life for my friend, but he had better not ask me to do up a parcel."
- Logan Pearsall Smith

“She means a revolver,” he explained. “I’ll take the shotgun.”

“Why not a Beretta?” the shop keeper explained. “Those are pretty good for times like this.”

“What do you mean, times like this?” she asked. “Is something horrible about to happen?”

“No,” he explained flatly, his blond mustache moving over his mouth as he talked. He was a heavy set man, and he seemed to have eyes for Leanne, which made her very uncomfortable. His gray eyes probed her body, trying to undress her with his eyes. She became uncomfortable and thought about slapping him. But she knew that if she did she would have embarrassed Russell.”

“Times are hard,” Russell explained. “We NEED weapons.”

“I’m sorry,” she replied. “I don’t believe in violence.”
       “Well…,” he rebuked. “THEY do.”

“I don’t want to kill them,” she explained. “It’s not right.”

The heavy-set man stared at them in disbelief. “What are you two talking about?”

“Nothing,” Russell nudged her. “We’re just having marital problems.”

Leanne stared at him in disbelief. “What did you just say????”

“Don’t you remember?” he tried to nudge her playfully. “We’re married…or did you drink too much…you know what?”

She gasped in shock. “We ARE NOT married. I barely know you!”

The gun man laughed. “That’s typical for people like you guys nowadays. It seems like nobody really knows each other before they get married.”

Leanne looked at Russell in shock. Was this his smart coverup: marriage!?

She was going to kill him…

Deafening Mania (6)

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival."
- C. S. Lewis

“Well,” he explained. “We need to be safe, right?”

“Well…err…yes,” she agreed. “But weapons?”

“We need to be safe,” he explained. “Weapons will help us do that.”

The store was run down. It looked like there had not been a customer there in years. The burly man up front seemed to be in charge. “Hello,” she tried to make conversation. “We’re um..here…for…weapons…”

Russell laughed. “I think he already knew that Leanne,” he explained.

She rolled her eyes. “Thank you for making that clear Russell.”

He grinned…”No problem.”

“What will you have?” the burly man asked.

“Um, a shotgun?” Leanne stuttered. She hated weapons, and found the idea of buying one preposterous. What was wrong with Russell? Why did he want a weapon to deal with those evil people? Why did they have to resort to violence?”

Deafening Mania (5)

"Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet; and two others at first speech are old friends."
- Mary Catherwood

“Is it not obvious?” she challenged. “We get out of here!”

He mentally slapped himself for not remembering that small detail. At his core, Russell was awkward around women. That explained why he didn’t have a girlfriend until he was 18. He thought he repelled women at first, but then realized that he just didn’t understand them.

Oh well, he thought. At least this one won’t be around for long. I’m such an idiot; forgetting that small detail.

“Let’s get out of the park,” he explained. “It’ll be a lot safer.”

“Okay,” she smiled. “Let’s go!” They ran down the street, avoiding anything that was in their way. They finally made it to a gun shop. Russell smiled; this was exactly what they needed.

Leanne seemed to have read his mind… “Guns?” she asked in shock. “That’s what we are going to get? Guns?”

Deafening Mania (4)

"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up."
- Bible: Ecclesiastes

Leanne remembered his name: Daniel…that was the name he was given for protection. All who associates were given [human] names.

“What are you staring at?” he asked in frustration. “Aren’t you going to put me down,” he asked in annoyance.

“No,” she said quietly. “I know…you have a good heart…just very…very…stupid.”

“Gee thanks,” he rolled his eyes. “So I’m the dumbass now?”

“Perhaps,” she explained. “I don’t know…I’m lost in thought, very confused. I’m sorry…”

He looked at her in concern. She was so beautiful, and so confused. He didn’t know what to do about that. She seemed to be the type that always knew what to do. What was the problem now? Why didn’t she know what to say?

He was always smart, and a smart mouth. Now even he didn’t know what to do or say.

“What do we do now?” he asked.

Deafening Mania (3)

"I get by with a little help from my friends."
- John Lennon

Leanne remembered his name: Daniel…that was the name he was given for protection. All who associates were given [human] names.

“What are you staring at?” he asked in frustration. “Aren’t you going to put me down,” he asked in annoyance.

“No,” she said quietly. “I know…you have a good heart…just very…very…stupid.”

“Gee thanks,” he rolled his eyes. “So I’m the dumbass now?”

“Perhaps,” she explained. “I don’t know…I’m lost in thought, very confused. I’m sorry…”

He looked at her in concern. She was so beautiful, and so confused. He didn’t know what to do about that. She seemed to be the type that always knew what to do. What was the problem now? Why didn’t she know what to say?

He was always smart, and a smart mouth. Now even he didn’t know what to do or say.

“What do we do now?” he asked.

Deafening Mania (2)

"Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you."
- Elbert Hubard

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small handful of antidote. Quickly, she threw it on him. His legs of stone slowly came back to life. He stared at her in shock as the white light overcame him.

“Uh, what just happened?” he asked in shock.

“Those goons turned you to stone,” she explained. “You were almost a statue until I threw some of that antidote onto you.” Her greens looked at him, puzzled. Was he really as strong and bright as he made himself out to be?

Her people were many and her people were strong. She knew that they would win no matter what. She came from a long bloodline of strong individuals. Each one a prodigy; each one…a legend.

Like her, she was a legend. But what was she doing there? What was she doing in that land, when she was needed at home.

She left so much back home: her friends, her family, her orders…her lover.

Deafening Mania (1)

"It takes a long time to grow an old friend."
- by John Leonard (thanks to Steve's Famous Quotes)

“Are we just going to stand around here all day,” she teased him. “I thought there was something important that we had to do?”

Russell scratched his forehead. He wasn’t looking and scratched a scab. He groaned as the blood began to leak out from his pores. They were standing around, and he didn’t quite know why. The cult was after them, they had to keep moving, but for some reason his feet were planted into the ground.

“Russell?” she asked with her English accent. “What on earth are you doing? We have to go!” she tried to pull him by the arm, but he was still planted to the ground.

“What?” she asked in shock. Then she realized, he wasn’t moving because he was turning to stone.  One of those people must have cast a spell on him as they were running away. She couldn’t believe it…

“Wake up,” she screamed. “I can’t do this all by myself! She kicked his slowly solidifying legs in annoyance. “What the bloody hell?” she yelled. “Thanks for nothing!"