CH3

3) "Make new friends but keep the old, some are silver and others are Gold"

“I can’t believe you told him we were married,” Leanne scolded Russell. “We’re not married…”

       He laughed nervously. “I honestly didn’t mean to do that.”

       She rolled her eyes. “I think you did mean to do it.”

       He shook his head quickly. “No,” it was an accident. To be honest, it truly was an accident. He had no intention of making her feel like she was in a relationship with him. It was a slip of the tongue.

       “Look I’m sorry,” he explained. “I really didn’t mean to do that.”

       She glared at him. Yeah right I don’t believe you.

       She thought he was a jerk, a fat-mouthed jerk. If she had her choice she would have punched him in the mouth a long time ago.

       You asshole…

       They walked outside the gun shop. It was close to dawn. Soon they would have to find a way to leave town just to escape the angry cult that was out to kill her.

My Cat

If it weren't for my cat I would have given up a long time ago. I am so frustrated with this fatigue. I am venting now. I am sorry to those I have offended.

My cat hates being held and hugged. And during this hard time with the fatigue ruining everything I really need my cat.

He ran away....

It hurt so much...I started to cry. But then I wanted to ask myself why I was crying.

Then I realized that well...fatigue can distort your moods.

Damn it all!!! Grrrr!!!!

Little Blue Person #2

I am the little blue woman
Riding along the waves
I wave to my fellow sisters
Begging for an end
Wanting the fatigue to lift
And for my freedom around the bend

The clouds darken
It starts to rain
I cry in vain
No one hears my song
My song of trouble
My song of wrongs

So free me
Take me away
I feel all bruised and beaten
Always feeling this way

Little Blue Person #1

My journey in life has been cut shorter because of fatigue.

Now I'm struggling to get through my day because I am just too tired to think.

Does that sound familar to anyone?

I am tired of feeling this way... And some days I just want to end it all.

I'm strong but I lose hope because I just can't think or focus on anything. I feel like I am just surfing through life.

Everything is like a dream. I can't focus and I feel like I am in a scary fog. But I also have trouble sleeping and staying asleep.

It seems like I just can't function very well. But before I couldn't function at all. I didn't do well in school and I was inflamed most of the time.

I don't know....

I want this horrible thing to end.

:(

Seronegative

"A Friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway!!!"

- (sent by Heather Tallent

       

        There is a Seronegative Arthritis. This is RA without the Rheumatoid Factor and the antibodies that would usually point out RA.

        Hmmm…why can’t there be a Seronegative Lupus? I’m not angry or anything…just asking?

        If I have RA, and I am not sure if I do…it’s a mild RA…my joints are only mildly deformed so for the most part…there’s no problem.

        But my ankles hurt. Walking around is hard. I hate it so much: the pain.

        It seems like something is being discovered about Lupus, RA and Fibromyalgia every day. Crazy, isn’t it? These diseases are strange to most people. And sadly, they are not very well understood. When I was 10 years old I thought I had arthritis. My joints would swell badly in the summer heat.

        I never said anything because I didn’t want it to be that horrible disease. I wanted to be a normal 10 year old.

        But I wasn’t…and I would never be *normal*. Why? There’s no such as *normal*…that’s why.

        It makes me mad that I’m not *normal* I want to be popular and not be the weird person who everyone thinks is lying or annoying. I’m tired of being questioned about my illness. I try to avoid talking about it with people who don’t have the illness.

        I just want to be a normal girl.

       

It's Very Real

"One's best friend is oneself."

- (sent by Jess)

        Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome is a very real and debilitating disease. Yet there are still people there who are convinced that the people who have it are faking. Not just that, but those people are also convinced that the people who have it aren’t really sick and that the disease is “all in their heads”.

        Yes, CFS/M.E has some symptoms of mental illness that come along with it. But still, it’s not a mental illness; it’s a physical ailment, and one that needs a cure.

        God, do you people think we want CFS/M.E? NOOOO!!!!! Of course not. We want to be free and healthy like everyone else.

        The treatment for this disease is unhelpful. Therapy (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and light exercise. For a lot of people this just makes the symptoms worse. I have Chronic Fatigue and too much exercise, even a little too much, will send me spiraling into a horrible flare.

        This is a bad disease…we need help.

        God…isn’t there anything you can do?

        Seriously…we’re suffering out here. I know you’re son has taken on a larger load than all of us combined, but we really need help. We need you to help us. Please, help us.

        CFS is real, and so is the rude remarks, the disbelief, and the stigma.

Stop Putting the Emphasis on Fibromyalgia

"The love of my life is the love between friends."

- (sent by Jess)

        When I think of Fibromyalgia, I think of the over-emphasis the annoyance of dealing with an invisible disorder, and the confidence that all my problems are caused by Fibromyalgia…because that is the only thing that makes sense to doctors.

        But it’s not true. And before you all start, and tell me I don’t know what the truth is, I can’t handle the truth, and that I’m wrong…believe me…I have gone through all those reasons. And the truth is something the doctors cannot see.

        I have Lupus, also known as SLE. And I have Fibromyalgia. I have both. A lot of people have both these disorders, okay? I’m not in denial. I know I have Fibromyalgia. I do not doubt my doctors. I just KNOW I have Lupus.

        But I feel like the doctors are putting an over-emphasis on my Fibromyalgia symptoms. Sure, I have pain some days, but there are days when my organs are inflamed. I do have bad fibro days, but those days are becoming few and far between.

        It’s not just Fibromyalgia. It’s Lupus too.

        I don’t think it’s fair to blame everything on Fibromyalgia, just like I don’t think it’s fair to blame everything on Lupus. We have to take some responsibility for our actions, you know?

        I know the doctors believe I have Lupus and just can’t prove it…but I wish that bad days weren’t blamed on my Fibro because that just isn’t true.

        I’m sorry…but that just is the truth.

        There are going to be people who disagree with me and think I am simply in denial. Believe me, I’m not. I’ve already been through that point… It’s not denial. I’ve tried living as a patient who just suffered with Fibromyalgia…and then…I got worse.

        I butted heads with everyone because I thought I had Lupus…they couldn’t make themselves see the truth. But the thing is, I knew I wasn’t lying. And now that I’ve made things right…I’m happier.

       

       

Never Knowing

"The better part of one's life consists of his friendships."
- Abraham Lincoln, (sent by Heather Myers)

I am as confused as any person would be, and that’s a lot.

The one thing I hate about Lupus is never knowing…

I know there could be worse things.

I know that people have worse things than Lupus.

I know all that stuff.

I never said there weren’t worse things out there.

I mean, everyone knows that there are worse things out there.

What’s the point of saying that…?

I mean seriously, what’s the point?

Are you trying to make me feel like I shouldn’t be complaining?

Because that’s not going to work…

We all have the right to complain.

And you have the right NOT to listen.

So…that being said…don’t listen if you don’t like it.

Don’t b**** if you don’t have to…

Useless words will never be able to be gotten back.

The waiting game in Lupus is awful. There’s no real way to know that you have it or not. I guess there are those tests that are supposed to rule out stuff. But in my case all they did was confuse my rheumatologist more. He’s pretty sure I have lupus, he just doesn’t know why the ANA, the anti-SM and other labs are clean. He diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia but he told me I have Lupus too. But don’t worry, he changes his mind every time I come to see him.

“Annie he’s a doctor, isn’t he supposed to know?” my mom asked me.

Well, yeah he is…but he doesn’t.

It’s true for a lot of people who have Lupus. They just don’t know. This isn’t the time to lose faith or hate everyone and everything. You’re probably never going to know for sure. All you can do is trust your gut.

That’s exactly what I did…and of course that’s why I’m feeling a lot better today.