Save Me

"My friends are my estate."

- Emily Dickinson

“Waiting for a little sign…”

      Today I am in a major Fibro Fog. I can’t think clearly. But somehow…I know exactly what I must do. Weird, huh? I am going to do my best to uplift the people around me who have similar diseases to me.

       And nothing will stop me…not even the pain.

“Seems like to no avail…”

      Sometimes it feels like nothing I ever do will get rid of the pain. But then I remember that is negative talk and that will not help anyone feel better…especially not me.

       There’s nothing wrong with saying the truth…but I should remember that there is always hope.

“Strolling down the pavement aimlessly…”

      I am trying to find the best way to help other people. It’s hard for me…because I keep changing things around and I don’t think people like that too much.

       I’m sorry guys…just trying to figure out how to help other people.

       Because I really do want to help.

“Waiting for someone…”

      I’m waiting for my brothers and sisters who deal with the horrible disease called Fibromyalgia to find me.

“To snatch her bag of memories…”

      I’ve been dealing with Fibromyalgia symptoms since I was about 16. I am 21 now. That’s such a long time, is it not?

       And just think…I am so much stronger now because of it! Nothing will destroy me. :)

“How come you call it destiny when the cross you bear is your only company?”

      Maybe I was destined to get Fibro so I could help other people? Who knows…the Lord works in mysterious ways..

       But wait…the Lord doesn’t just give people diseases…he’s a kind and fair God…he wouldn’t do that to someone.

“Never seen you, I don’t even know your name.”

      The people who look at this page, I do not know. I don’t know their names unless they follow the page or the blog. All I know is I am blessed to have people care about and follow my page.

       Thank you…for aiding me in this horrible fight.

“But still I believe.”

      I believe that people care about what I go through. I believe that there will one day be a cure for Fibromyalgia. I believe that God is watching and that he loves me.

“That you are gonna save me.”

      I believe that no one can save me from this pain but myself. And I can change things as I take my medication, and dream of ways to inspire others.

       So in this scenario, my own savior is myself.

“Somehow I got a notion, just a little affection on this cold and windy road.”

      Life is cruel, hard, foreboding, and cumbersome. But for me, the challenge yields a greater prize. For those who dream, life is hard. For those who try, life can kick you in the face. But for those who never give up…life will never end…

“Save me from a state of unemotion…”

      There are some days when I just don’t feel. I feel like people think this disease is all in my head, when it is not. I feel like some people hate me because I am so positive. And I feel like some people just think I am naïve for thinking that there is still hope.

“Just a little affection on this cold and windy road.”

      Life is very hard for me right now. I’m fighting fatigue, pain, everything…

       But life is hard.

“Why is it all so confusing?”

      Why does Fibromyalgia mimic other disorders? Why can’t it be easier to diagnose?

“Why does growing up hurt so bad?”

      Why do people say such hurtful things? Why do people tear you down when they should be keeping those hurtful things to themselves!?

“We seek and we get lost.”

      I get lost a lot. Mostly in my own thoughts. For me, it is like wandering in a fog that will never lift.

“We get found and go again.”

       Just when I start feeling positive about my situation…I go to the doctors, hear what they have to say…and start feeling down all over again.

       Grr…why do doctors care about labels so much???

“And I don’t know what’s gonna be…”

      I have no idea what my Primary Care is going to say about me. Sometimes I think he likes me, and sometimes I think he thinks I’m a nutjob.

“I won’t make any promise I believe.”

      Just take me away from this lord…

“I don’t know if I can…”

      I’m scared to be dealing with so many burdens. I don’t like this!!!

“I don’t know if I should…”

      I’m really scared!!!

“I don’t know what is right and what’s to come if you would.”

      Everything is just spinning around me.

“Here I stand in the rain.”

      A rain of my own tears.

“Here I stand in the cold.”

      Because my old friends have abandoned me.

“I’m reluctant to get another shot in my soul…no…”

       Everytime I talk I get all the haters. I hate that!!!

“I’m afraid of that hole.”

      The haters throw me in this hole….