Never Knowing

"The better part of one's life consists of his friendships."
- Abraham Lincoln, (sent by Heather Myers)

I am as confused as any person would be, and that’s a lot.

The one thing I hate about Lupus is never knowing…

I know there could be worse things.

I know that people have worse things than Lupus.

I know all that stuff.

I never said there weren’t worse things out there.

I mean, everyone knows that there are worse things out there.

What’s the point of saying that…?

I mean seriously, what’s the point?

Are you trying to make me feel like I shouldn’t be complaining?

Because that’s not going to work…

We all have the right to complain.

And you have the right NOT to listen.

So…that being said…don’t listen if you don’t like it.

Don’t b**** if you don’t have to…

Useless words will never be able to be gotten back.

The waiting game in Lupus is awful. There’s no real way to know that you have it or not. I guess there are those tests that are supposed to rule out stuff. But in my case all they did was confuse my rheumatologist more. He’s pretty sure I have lupus, he just doesn’t know why the ANA, the anti-SM and other labs are clean. He diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia but he told me I have Lupus too. But don’t worry, he changes his mind every time I come to see him.

“Annie he’s a doctor, isn’t he supposed to know?” my mom asked me.

Well, yeah he is…but he doesn’t.

It’s true for a lot of people who have Lupus. They just don’t know. This isn’t the time to lose faith or hate everyone and everything. You’re probably never going to know for sure. All you can do is trust your gut.

That’s exactly what I did…and of course that’s why I’m feeling a lot better today.