If it weren't for my cat I would have given up a long time ago. I am so frustrated with this fatigue. I am venting now. I am sorry to those I have offended.
My cat hates being held and hugged. And during this hard time with the fatigue ruining everything I really need my cat.
He ran away....
It hurt so much...I started to cry. But then I wanted to ask myself why I was crying.
Then I realized that well...fatigue can distort your moods.
I am the little blue woman Riding along the waves I wave to my fellow sisters Begging for an end Wanting the fatigue to lift And for my freedom around the bend
The clouds darken It starts to rain I cry in vain No one hears my song My song of trouble My song of wrongs
So free me Take me away I feel all bruised and beaten Always feeling this way
Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome is a very real and debilitating disease. Yet there are still people there who are convinced that the people who have it are faking. Not just that, but those people are also convinced that the people who have it aren’t really sick and that the disease is “all in their heads”.
Yes, CFS/M.E has some symptoms of mental illness that come along with it. But still, it’s not a mental illness; it’s a physical ailment, and one that needs a cure.
God, do you people think we want CFS/M.E? NOOOO!!!!! Of course not. We want to be free and healthy like everyone else.
The treatment for this disease is unhelpful. Therapy (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and light exercise. For a lot of people this just makes the symptoms worse. I have Chronic Fatigue and too much exercise, even a little too much, will send me spiraling into a horrible flare.
This is a bad disease…we need help.
God…isn’t there anything you can do?
Seriously…we’re suffering out here. I know you’re son has taken on a larger load than all of us combined, but we really need help. We need you to help us. Please, help us.
CFS is real, and so is the rude remarks, the disbelief, and the stigma.
"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin
“I’m happy, hope you’re happy too.”
I know I can be happy with a disease like CFS…It may strip me of all energy…but I’m happy. And I have other things too that I deal with. But I’m happy.
Are you? Can you still be you even though you have a chronic disease.
“I’ve loved all I needed love.”
I have so many friends. I think it’s because of my personality. I’m just such a nice person and people seem to like that. So of course I have a lot of friends. I lost a lot of friends because of being sick.
But I’ve gained so much more.
“The shrieking of nothing is killing.”
Just screaming for no reason is not the best thing to do. People will just think you’re angry, when you probably aren’t. I’m not an angry person, but I get angry whenever people talk about my fatigue and how it’s hurting me.
I yell at it and tell it to leave me alone. Sometimes I think it can really hear me…
“Ain’t got no money and I ain’t got no hair…”
My hair is getting thinner. And I don’t have a job. I live at home with my parents. I hate it because I want to be on my own. I want to work, and have a family.
I don’t have money to spend on anything. My parents buy everything. It makes me feel so weak and helpless. I don’t like that feeling.
“Strung out in heaven’s high…”
All my drugs make me feel so stoned all the time. The drugs I take for Fibro really zonk me out. And then the anxiety drugs make me feel lke I’m as high as a kite. Most of the time it’s not a bad feeling…but it’s kind of uncomfortable feeling that way on prescription drugs!
“Hitting an all time low…”
I hate feeling depressed. You know, the feeling that everything is going to end badly. Ugh! It’s awful. I want it to end.
The worst thing about my Cyclothymia is the depression. It’s not that bad…but it’s enough to make me unable to enjoy my day. Soemtimes I get depressed before I get a Lupus flare.
"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost."
- Charles Caleb Colton
“Beloved mother there is no guilt in what I have done…”
The fatigue bites at me like frost on a cold day. It gets so bad that it’s just unbearable to live this way. I want to just give up so bad and stop living.
Sometimes I just have to sleep all day to get rid of the fatigue. And I want to ask…is there no escape? This is horrible. I am taking diet pills to kill my fatigue but on bad days it just doesn’t work.
The fatigue lets me know there is something wrong but I just feel like the fatigue is kicking my butt lately. I hate it so much.
“It’s far too late to turn it back, to turn it back…”
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and undo this horrible disease. But then I realize that isn’t possible.
You can’t undo what has already been done. There is no cure for this fatigue. The only thing I can do is try to live with it.
“Slowly they move, one by one…”
The monster inside me…it will not be happy until it has destroyed all my sense of hope and love of life.
“Food for the clan your kingdom will come.”
My body is my kingdom…and right now…my kingdom is under attack! Fatigue washes over me. My throat is inflamed. My muscles weak, everything is falling apart.
I forgot to take my meds last night. Is this why I am so incredibly miserable today?
“Slowly they’re marching one by one…”
I wish I could see exactly what is going on in my body sometimes. Just to see…what is happening. But then I realize that I wouldn’t want to see that and maybe…that would make things worse.
Because obviously something ghastly is happening to me…and I don’t think I would want to see it…
“Follow my magic tune it is so easy.”
I made this page to help other people. I knew I couldn’t cut it as a Psychologist, so I made this page to help other people who were sick with Lupus, RA, CFS, Fibro, DID, BPD, Bipolar, and PTSD.
“Her eyes, her pale cold eyes, are watching over me…”
I feel like someone up in heaven really loves me. And I am trying to figure out just who that is…
God…do you really love me?
“I’ve never felt alone…”
Thank you everyone for being there for me during this hard time. I really appreciate it and I love you all so much.
“All the children for her glory.”
We fight because we choose to. We fight because we want to. And we fight because we think that is the right thing to do. And…it is the right thing to do.
“A fair price and a deal was fixed.”
We can either fight fatigue or let it fight us…
“I did my part and they betrayed.”
I am a good person and I have lots of friends. But a lot of my college friends disappeared when I got sick. I’ve had issues with friends who just didn’t understand my illness, who spread things about me that weren’t true, and friends who just didn’t care about me when I cared so much about them. It really hurt me.
“I cleared their problem well…but I trusted lies.”
Now I wonder…why did I ever trust them?
Why did I believe, for a moment…that they were my true friends?
“All your children went astray.”
Life changes people…causes them to become different…life makes them different people.
And some people aren’t who you think they are.
“Pay the price for ignorance, praise and glory to the clan, watch your step I’ll bring the end.”
Chronic Fatigue I’m going to f***ing slit your throat. I’m going to kill you for causing me pain and suffering. I hate you so f***ing much.
“Rats repeat their feast.”
Chronic Fatigue, you’re a rat…that’s exactly what YOU are.
“Queen will be quite pleased, all your children went astray, pay the price for ignorance, praise the glorious race of rats, one by one they’ll join the dance.”
Alone, we can’t do much, but together we can f***ing make some changes. :)
“Hungry souls they shall be fed, praise the wisdom of the rats, all the children went astray, pay the price for ignorance.”
Not knowing what’s wrong with you is the WORST thing in the world. That’s why it’s so important to know…
Who knows…ignorance could KILL.
“Now you know fear…”
I’ve known fear ever since I heard that my Aunt had SLE. I’ve known fear when I wondered if I would wake up too tired to do anything.
Fear is a part of my life.
“Face the unknown…”
Every day for me is the unknown.
“Dwell in tears…” I cry a little every day because of what has happened to me. I think it’s healthy to feel and care about things. But I don’t want to overdramatize and make it sound like I’m dying, because I’m not. It’s just crappy what I have to put up with every day.
“The story’s told, you may have learned, dare not to betray, the whistler, you should consider, you might fail, you should consider, you might fail…”
